i might ignore you. i probably will.

love you.

sorry wrong number. that wasn't for ye.

they say fake it until you make it

well i tricked you into marrying me i guess i do have some skills, dear

don't want to give you half of my money + it's easier to have sex when you have a hooker at home

i surely didn't marry you for your personality ! you're less attractive to me i don't know maybe we should try it with the lights off

totally the award of the worst wife ever. yeah you make a valid point. maybe you should get me drunk i will feel less forced thank you hon for considering my feelings

i have a meeting. cheers. and don't cook dinner i'll be out with some law school friend. you're not invited no need to embarass me more than you usually do.

with who ? don't forget you're still my wife !

which friends woman. i'm not jealous i'm just careful ...

i'll call you. answer.

the only reason i never asked about your little adventure in penisland is because i don't want to go to jail for murder at the verge of being a 30% partner. so yes i care. and yes i'm bossy. i might even join your little gossip group if i want to.

oh you'll pout too once i'm there.

you already have so many. just pout my love, you have nothing to lose.

my mom survived all kinds of human stupidy i think she can handle one more (don't you dare tho) (i will flirt with your female friends and suggest a threesome).

lisa ! i'm sorry ok. i'm douchbag. a bitter husband because you failed me. don't call my mom.

yeah. i'm still coming to ruin your girls nite

who said i'll act in love ?

we'll see how i act. i'm not paying the bill tho. bring your wallet