it's too soon for the l word man idk what to do !

don't you know justin timberlake's new song ? SAY SOMETHING ! now it's too late to go to the barber   is it really bad ?

it won't come out jude, i love her but i can't say it

oh fuck it's terrible you'd bang a squirrel if it had lipstick on ! im in deep 

i hate you !

not into animals ? well say helo to gigi for me

haha you manage to make me laugh at my worse

i know but im scared af. i will try my best not to be a pussy anymore. you're the best twin i man would ever dream (see i do well with expressing).

you always drink without me ! but sure wait for me    

all good, was able to put a candom with two hands today  

but srsly been focusing on my writing you know since gabi rejected me what you up to ? should we grab a beer n stuff ?  

no i was just tryin out the new papaya flavour to see if it fits

let's do that. over eighteen ? hope animals n gingers are off limits.

a man gotta do whan a woman gotta lick  

yeah some gingers are cute but im too lazy to look for them haha (i miss her you know)

nvm jude she needs time she said loving me is making her tired n she does look tired, indeed. i think she's sick again. so let's just enjoy tonight, i might not seduce all the pretty girls for your sake  

im writing her a book, actually (don't laugh i'll break you in half) 

i hate you, moron pfff ! i'll be best seller n i'll def invite you to my castle so you can get lost in my donjon

hey judas. so i met this victoria girl (brunette, eyes insanely blue, looks like chipmunk but damn she's smarter than both of us combined) n i had a question : did you or did you not open the cookie jar?

wat did she do glare at you with her starry eyes ?

speaking of evil yeah i know gigi had your dick in the jar too. but hey victoria seems ok we had a drink. i tried to defend your honor but she had quiet an opinion abt you.

what's your definition of old ? over eighteen ? nobody wants to kill you bro you're my sweet sweet angel. but ok i wasn't planning on takin your leftovers anyway. we get along fine i'll let you know if vicky is that bad of a chipmunk after our diner tonite (sorry already invited her can't just bail to please your highness) (promise i'll just stay way all dots included after that)

oh dear lord let's switch roles ! i still need my nuts to warm my lonely nights    

you never said anything ! would she want to kill me too ? is looking like you a crime ? im concerned abt my life, about the future of our line, mom is relying on me to have grandchildren n nobody is counting on you to provide the earth with the baker seed ... this is too much of a risk ! THIS DINNER IS LIKE THE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT OF MY LIFE RN I AM SCARED YOU SHOULD GO INSTEAD

what evil plans ! are you ppl into human trafficking ? would she force me to prostitute ? bc i love sex i'm not sure that would be a violation of my rights

please do my shoes are too big for you to fill n you don't stand a chance with gabi after i rip your penis off mine mine mine mine ok !  

we would sell better as twinolos

i miss her so much it hurts why you talk abt her ?  

you're not my bro. you're half of me n don't worry i won't let vicky hurt your feelings again

hey nothing is gayer than your college roomie trying to make out with me bc oh ho he thought i was you so please don't judge my fave movie it has jake gyllenhal n i am so protective of that guy ! have you seen those eyebrows ? you cannot be that hairy and not be half yeti half human IT'S BEYOND PERFECTION

i'm writing the chronicles of a moron i wish you would read i'd love to ask your opinion since are an expert (should i wear cock protection for the dinner with vicky ? )

i have nothing against it but i'm really into boobies so you get to be the funky twin

come on how bad was it you need to gimme some details ! did she bite you during blowie time ?  

then what is it you're hiding ? is she a ladyboy ? YOU WOULD TELL ME IF I WAS HAVING DINNER WITH A LADY BOY RIGHT ?

jeez you're worse than mom. i'll call you if i get food poisonning. that's my only concern rn she said she'll pick the place